Another
week has passed me by and I am not sure whether I have hit the ground yet.
It
seems as though I am now working part time, well in two weeks’ time I will be.
I
always said that I didn’t want to partake in any work until Sophie was 12
months old but something has come about and I have grabbed it with both hands
without really taking the time to think long and hard about it.
I
feel ready, not because I find days where I am bored or because Sophie causes
me too much grief but I just need to get back out there, I need to have
something more for myself and I need some more stimulation.
Heck!
Who am I kidding? I have done WAY too much shopping since commencing maternity
leave 8 months ago and we need the money.
This
definitely is playing a part in it. What I am most happy about though is that I
made the decision off my own back to start working. If it had reached the point
where Rob approached me and asked me to go back to work I would begin to resent
him, I would resent him for not allowing me to be at home with Sophie for the
12 months that we had previously agreed upon.
This
part time work ticks all the boxes.
Work
my own hours – TICK
Does
not impact on my time with Sophie – TICK
Is
something that I enjoy – TICK
I
attended my first day of training last Tuesday, it was fun but at the same time
extremely difficult. I was away from Soph for 6.5 hours, the longest that we
have been apart for. She was being looked after by my MIL and Rob ended up
being there the entire time as well as he was fixing things around her house
for her, I knew she was in capable hands. But it still didn’t help the fact, I
wasn’t with her.
I
returned home shortly after 4pm and then needed to go to the shops to get food
for dinner so I packed Sophie into the car and off we hurried to the shops to
then hurry home before yet another Perth storm hit. By the time I was home and
had unpacked the shopping, Rob was then doing the bath, bottle and bed routine
for the evening and all of a sudden I was saying goodnight to her.
All
sorts of emotions ran through me.
I
had hardly said boo to her all day. She is my side kick for each days
adventures, sitting in her bumbo in the laundry as I neatly hang her little
clothes on the airer, accompanying me on our many trips shopping, playing
together, discovering new and exciting sights in the garden. Not having this
for an entire day was something I found extremely hard.
I
thought about all of those Mums that had to go back to work so soon after their
bubs were born, my sister was one of them returning to full time work when my
niece was only 6 weeks old, I was too young to realise at the time but now I
feel so sad for her, how sad she must have felt each day dropping her off and
not seeing her until hours later.
I
feel so blessed to have been able to spend 6 full months with her. Taking in
every part of her, being there for each roll she makes and each smile.
I
have two more training sessions to get through; the only thing I am thankful
for is they are once a week, I don’t think I would have coped if they were
three consecutive days.
After
the three days of training are complete, I am able to work the hours that I
want and the hours will be mainly at night which is PERFECT.
I
have made an agreement with myself that this will be two nights a week until I
feel ready to take the next step and increase my time away from home.
Of
course the working hours being in the evening does impact on time with Rob but
I think because he works from home and we are with each other during the day I
am hoping it won’t impact too much on us.
I
already feel like the little organisation freaks inside my head are harassing
me …
‘Put
another load of washing on’
‘The
ironing is piling up’
‘List
those clothes on ebay’
‘Sand
and paint the chest of drawers you have been meaning to do for so long’
‘Buy
a vacuum bag to store all of Sophie’s clothes in that are too small for her’
‘Call
Jo’
I
am trying to not let everything overwhelm me, I am usually super organised and
definitely suffer from OCD, so when things slightly get out of place with my
routine and I feel as though the house is closing in around me because way too
many things have been left out and not packed away I certainly feel a little
CRAAAAAAAZY and just want so desperately for everything to feel and look
perfect again.
Even
though work thus far has only taken me away from the home for one evening and
one day in total, I can already feel the thoughts swirling in my head, I can
already feel the nerves sinking deep within, I can feel the anxiety creeping up
over my body and not allowing my shoulders to relax.
The
first few weeks are going to be busy, setting up a filing system, becoming familiar
with all of the processes and becoming organised again. I will have to make
sure everything is in place for Sophie so when I do work one evening I am not
returning home to unwashed bottles and an un-packed nappy bag if we have plans
for the following day.
I
am allocating tomorrow. Tomorrow to list clothes on ebay, tomorrow to pack all
of the washing away, tomorrow to not put yet another load of washing on as we
all can survive with the amount of clothes in our wardrobes (I have an
obsession with the laundry basket needing to be empty and ALL of our clothes to
be in our wardrobes at the one time), tomorrow to drop my doona off to the
drycleaners so that the coffee stain & smell can be cleaned out of it (if
you follow me on IG, you would have seen this), tomorrow to remove all of the junk
from the laundry that was placed there after it was cleaned out of the spare
room when we did a ‘de-clutter the junk room day’.
It
really isn’t going to entail a lot of work, it is something that I am already
enjoying from meeting other women that I will be working with, who are so
passionate about it too. I am sure once I have been out there doing my thing
for a few weeks I will find a new routine and I won’t be so stressed about
things needing to be done around the home.
I
tend to get myself into a bit of a fizzle when I am starting something so big.
Rob often says to me ‘you never used to get this stressed about things’. Its
OCD babe, and yep have always been like this.
Oh
… and if you were wondering … I am now a Thermomix Consultant !! YAY !