Working ... Already? Trying not to feel overwhelmed about it

Another week has passed me by and I am not sure whether I have hit the ground yet.

It seems as though I am now working part time, well in two weeks’ time I will be.

I always said that I didn’t want to partake in any work until Sophie was 12 months old but something has come about and I have grabbed it with both hands without really taking the time to think long and hard about it. 

I feel ready, not because I find days where I am bored or because Sophie causes me too much grief but I just need to get back out there, I need to have something more for myself and I need some more stimulation.

Heck! Who am I kidding? I have done WAY too much shopping since commencing maternity leave 8 months ago and we need the money.

This definitely is playing a part in it. What I am most happy about though is that I made the decision off my own back to start working. If it had reached the point where Rob approached me and asked me to go back to work I would begin to resent him, I would resent him for not allowing me to be at home with Sophie for the 12 months that we had previously agreed upon.

This part time work ticks all the boxes. 

Work my own hours – TICK

Does not impact on my time with Sophie – TICK

Is something that I enjoy – TICK

I attended my first day of training last Tuesday, it was fun but at the same time extremely difficult. I was away from Soph for 6.5 hours, the longest that we have been apart for. She was being looked after by my MIL and Rob ended up being there the entire time as well as he was fixing things around her house for her, I knew she was in capable hands. But it still didn’t help the fact, I wasn’t with her.

I returned home shortly after 4pm and then needed to go to the shops to get food for dinner so I packed Sophie into the car and off we hurried to the shops to then hurry home before yet another Perth storm hit. By the time I was home and had unpacked the shopping, Rob was then doing the bath, bottle and bed routine for the evening and all of a sudden I was saying goodnight to her.

All sorts of emotions ran through me.

I had hardly said boo to her all day. She is my side kick for each days adventures, sitting in her bumbo in the laundry as I neatly hang her little clothes on the airer, accompanying me on our many trips shopping, playing together, discovering new and exciting sights in the garden. Not having this for an entire day was something I found extremely hard.

I thought about all of those Mums that had to go back to work so soon after their bubs were born, my sister was one of them returning to full time work when my niece was only 6 weeks old, I was too young to realise at the time but now I feel so sad for her, how sad she must have felt each day dropping her off and not seeing her until hours later. 

I feel so blessed to have been able to spend 6 full months with her. Taking in every part of her, being there for each roll she makes and each smile.

I have two more training sessions to get through; the only thing I am thankful for is they are once a week, I don’t think I would have coped if they were three consecutive days.

After the three days of training are complete, I am able to work the hours that I want and the hours will be mainly at night which is PERFECT.

I have made an agreement with myself that this will be two nights a week until I feel ready to take the next step and increase my time away from home.

 

Of course the working hours being in the evening does impact on time with Rob but I think because he works from home and we are with each other during the day I am hoping it won’t impact too much on us.

I already feel like the little organisation freaks inside my head are harassing me …

‘Put another load of washing on’

‘The ironing is piling up’

‘List those clothes on ebay’

‘Sand and paint the chest of drawers you have been meaning to do for so long’

‘Buy a vacuum bag to store all of Sophie’s clothes in that are too small for her’

‘Call Jo’

I am trying to not let everything overwhelm me, I am usually super organised and definitely suffer from OCD, so when things slightly get out of place with my routine and I feel as though the house is closing in around me because way too many things have been left out and not packed away I certainly feel a little CRAAAAAAAZY and just want so desperately for everything to feel and look perfect again.

Even though work thus far has only taken me away from the home for one evening and one day in total, I can already feel the thoughts swirling in my head, I can already feel the nerves sinking deep within, I can feel the anxiety creeping up over my body and not allowing my shoulders to relax.

The first few weeks are going to be busy, setting up a filing system, becoming familiar with all of the processes and becoming organised again. I will have to make sure everything is in place for Sophie so when I do work one evening I am not returning home to unwashed bottles and an un-packed nappy bag if we have plans for the following day.

I am allocating tomorrow. Tomorrow to list clothes on ebay, tomorrow to pack all of the washing away, tomorrow to not put yet another load of washing on as we all can survive with the amount of clothes in our wardrobes (I have an obsession with the laundry basket needing to be empty and ALL of our clothes to be in our wardrobes at the one time), tomorrow to drop my doona off to the drycleaners so that the coffee stain & smell can be cleaned out of it (if you follow me on IG, you would have seen this), tomorrow to remove all of the junk from the laundry that was placed there after it was cleaned out of the spare room when we did a ‘de-clutter the junk room day’.

It really isn’t going to entail a lot of work, it is something that I am already enjoying from meeting other women that I will be working with, who are so passionate about it too. I am sure once I have been out there doing my thing for a few weeks I will find a new routine and I won’t be so stressed about things needing to be done around the home.

I tend to get myself into a bit of a fizzle when I am starting something so big. Rob often says to me ‘you never used to get this stressed about things’. Its OCD babe, and yep have always been like this.

Oh … and if you were wondering … I am now a Thermomix Consultant !! YAY !