Sunday, 17 June 2012

Working ... Already? Trying not to feel overwhelmed about it

Another week has passed me by and I am not sure whether I have hit the ground yet.

It seems as though I am now working part time, well in two weeks’ time I will be.

I always said that I didn’t want to partake in any work until Sophie was 12 months old but something has come about and I have grabbed it with both hands without really taking the time to think long and hard about it. 

I feel ready, not because I find days where I am bored or because Sophie causes me too much grief but I just need to get back out there, I need to have something more for myself and I need some more stimulation.

Heck! Who am I kidding? I have done WAY too much shopping since commencing maternity leave 8 months ago and we need the money.

This definitely is playing a part in it. What I am most happy about though is that I made the decision off my own back to start working. If it had reached the point where Rob approached me and asked me to go back to work I would begin to resent him, I would resent him for not allowing me to be at home with Sophie for the 12 months that we had previously agreed upon.

This part time work ticks all the boxes. 

Work my own hours – TICK
Does not impact on my time with Sophie – TICK
Is something that I enjoy – TICK

I attended my first day of training last Tuesday, it was fun but at the same time extremely difficult. I was away from Soph for 6.5 hours, the longest that we have been apart for. She was being looked after by my MIL and Rob ended up being there the entire time as well as he was fixing things around her house for her, I knew she was in capable hands. But it still didn’t help the fact, I wasn’t with her.

I returned home shortly after 4pm and then needed to go to the shops to get food for dinner so I packed Sophie into the car and off we hurried to the shops to then hurry home before yet another Perth storm hit. By the time I was home and had unpacked the shopping, Rob was then doing the bath, bottle and bed routine for the evening and all of a sudden I was saying goodnight to her.

All sorts of emotions ran through me.

I had hardly said boo to her all day. She is my side kick for each days adventures, sitting in her bumbo in the laundry as I neatly hang her little clothes on the airer, accompanying me on our many trips shopping, playing together, discovering new and exciting sights in the garden. Not having this for an entire day was something I found extremely hard.

I thought about all of those Mums that had to go back to work so soon after their bubs were born, my sister was one of them returning to full time work when my niece was only 6 weeks old, I was too young to realise at the time but now I feel so sad for her, how sad she must have felt each day dropping her off and not seeing her until hours later. 

I feel so blessed to have been able to spend 6 full months with her. Taking in every part of her, being there for each roll she makes and each smile.

I have two more training sessions to get through; the only thing I am thankful for is they are once a week, I don’t think I would have coped if they were three consecutive days.

After the three days of training are complete, I am able to work the hours that I want and the hours will be mainly at night which is PERFECT.

I have made an agreement with myself that this will be two nights a week until I feel ready to take the next step and increase my time away from home.
 
Of course the working hours being in the evening does impact on time with Rob but I think because he works from home and we are with each other during the day I am hoping it won’t impact too much on us.

I already feel like the little organisation freaks inside my head are harassing me …

‘Put another load of washing on’

‘The ironing is piling up’

‘List those clothes on ebay’

‘Sand and paint the chest of drawers you have been meaning to do for so long’

‘Buy a vacuum bag to store all of Sophie’s clothes in that are too small for her’

‘Call Jo’

I am trying to not let everything overwhelm me, I am usually super organised and definitely suffer from OCD, so when things slightly get out of place with my routine and I feel as though the house is closing in around me because way too many things have been left out and not packed away I certainly feel a little CRAAAAAAAZY and just want so desperately for everything to feel and look perfect again.

Even though work thus far has only taken me away from the home for one evening and one day in total, I can already feel the thoughts swirling in my head, I can already feel the nerves sinking deep within, I can feel the anxiety creeping up over my body and not allowing my shoulders to relax.

The first few weeks are going to be busy, setting up a filing system, becoming familiar with all of the processes and becoming organised again. I will have to make sure everything is in place for Sophie so when I do work one evening I am not returning home to unwashed bottles and an un-packed nappy bag if we have plans for the following day.

I am allocating tomorrow. Tomorrow to list clothes on ebay, tomorrow to pack all of the washing away, tomorrow to not put yet another load of washing on as we all can survive with the amount of clothes in our wardrobes (I have an obsession with the laundry basket needing to be empty and ALL of our clothes to be in our wardrobes at the one time), tomorrow to drop my doona off to the drycleaners so that the coffee stain & smell can be cleaned out of it (if you follow me on IG, you would have seen this), tomorrow to remove all of the junk from the laundry that was placed there after it was cleaned out of the spare room when we did a ‘de-clutter the junk room day’.

It really isn’t going to entail a lot of work, it is something that I am already enjoying from meeting other women that I will be working with, who are so passionate about it too. I am sure once I have been out there doing my thing for a few weeks I will find a new routine and I won’t be so stressed about things needing to be done around the home.

I tend to get myself into a bit of a fizzle when I am starting something so big. Rob often says to me ‘you never used to get this stressed about things’. Its OCD babe, and yep have always been like this.

Oh … and if you were wondering … I am now a Thermomix Consultant !! YAY !

20 comments:

  1. Take a deep breath in... now, let it go... go on... release!! Release!

    Ah, that's better. I swear I spent the irst six weeks of returning to work holding the same breath I gasped on day one. Not good.

    Early days and you're not even doing it yet. All will be well. Adjusting to any new routine is hard and 'separation anxiety' definitely works both ways. Just ske it one day t a time and Ono it will all feel like your normal.

    Best wishesmp, though. It's a big deal. x

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    1. Thanks Bron. The contact hours in the beginning are a lot more intense than what I had first thought. Last day of training on Tuesday then I am out on my own ... think that is half the problem, having to find the clients on my own!! Hhmmmm

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  2. Far out, sorry about all those dreadful iTypos! Hope you get what I was trying to say!? x

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  3. You will be FANTASTIC!

    & if I am EVER able to convince Dave that I might be allowed a thermomix, you will be THE PERSON we purchase through :)

    I am so proud of you. And Sophie will be too xx

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    1. Thanks hun ... fingers and toes are crossed! x

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  4. Oh Jayne, I know how you feel. It's hard in the beginning but it gets easier, it really does.

    Yay for you! Thermomixes are great. And you can pick your hours. What a great job. xxx

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    1. Hopefully it all pans out, just trying to find my first clients which is proving to be tough!

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  5. Hi Jayne. It sounds like a perfect job for a new mum! You will find your rythym. It just takes a few weeks. Good luck! I hope you sell heaps! Xx

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  6. Looking forward to hearing about yout TMX journey! Its nice to know im not the only OCD person around although when i went back to work FT i had to learn to let some things go...which i still struggle with. Good luck!

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    1. I am still trying to do that. I find it so hard to relax when the house is a mess and I always have a HUGE to-do list in the back of my mind. One day we won't put so much pressure on ourselves!

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  7. You look very busy. I hope you will find more fun things every day.

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  8. Agree with Maxabella - deep breath in and out! I know the panic of trying to get all those things done before you start work and you get into a rhythm .. you will be fine.. and you will be great! You will miss Sophie... but you will be so grateful when you get to spend time with her.. it will mean so much! And she will love it too!!
    I love the look of a Thermomix.. would love to get one.. maybe one day Ill come to you for some advice on that :)
    Enjoy the next couple of weeks and deep breaths! Ill be thinking of you !
    xxxx

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    1. Thanks Jane ... feeling a little better, Mum helped me with some cleaning yesterday while she was watching Sophie and I have had the last two days tidying up and doing things for 'me'.
      My last training day is next Tuesday, I feel like I am being tested, think that is half my problem !!

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  9. Jayne I am sure you will be fine. Changes of any sort to any routine evoke anxiety in me too. I am doing the complete opposite to you, going from full time (23 years YO!) down to very part time at 2 days a week. I am ECSTATIC and can't wait to spend more time at home. I don't even know what it is like to do my grocery shopping midweek or not spend every weekday in peak hour traffic. My first Monday at home - me and my coffee cup. I am sure my anxiety will settle in no time. As will yours. :)

    Well done Jayne, I am sure you will relish in your new role. xo

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    1. Thanks Peggy... I have been following all of your posts and am so excited for you. You will love all the extra time you suddenly find you have! xx

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  10. Jayne,

    It sounds like you are over-preparing yourself, once you're in the swing of things it won't be half as bad. But it is better to be over-prepared than under prepared.

    It can be tough spending time apart from your little one BUT the time you spend together is soooo much better- you are excited to see each other and are more focused on them, it's definitely quality time.

    And you know what? You can always say "no, this isnt working". As they say, it's better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't. And it's better to take the gamble that this could work out brilliantly for everyone and then reassess if needed than be afraid to try.

    xx

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    1. Definitely ... I thought this the other day, if it all ends up being too much then i'll simply stop.

      Learning a new job is never easy especially throwing a new baby into the mix too! x

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