Reminiscing

Have you ever formed a friendship with someone that was so intense, that when a falling out happened you continued to pine for them, continued to live in hope that the friendship may one day return to its original state?

I have!

In year 9, my second year of high school I moved ‘groups’. High school always had groups, you would talk to the people that sat next to you in class but at recess and lunch you would congregate with your own group. Well I left one group to hang out with another, upon moving to this group there was one girl who didn’t immediately click with me. There was a jealous behaviour between the two of us, which I later discovered was because the guy, Brenton Mountford, who I dated in year 8 (dated as in held hands and walked to classes together for all of a few weeks), was her boyfriend throughout year 7. OOPS!

This girl along with her Mum and two sisters moved to a rental house a very short walk from where I lived, I remember the day that some of us decided to meet up and we walked to her house to see if she wanted to join us, we then walked back to my house and upon this walk was where we really first spoke to each other. We laughed at the fact that she was upset about a lost love.

From this day on, we grew closer and closer together.

She was going through a difficult time as her parents had just separated and I was there for her when she felt alone. We would write letters to each other, borrow each other’s clothes, have long phone calls after spending the day at school together, we even worked together at the local deli. I was there for her when she decided to run away from her Mums to live with her Dad, a decision which upset me as she was no longer within walking distance to me.

Year 11 Rivercruise

Our workplace is where our lives changed forever. The owners of the deli had two young sons, one a year older than us and another two years. After months of flirting I started dating one of the sons, me 15, and him 16. Soon after, one of his friends started dating my friend.

With this, we formed friendships with the amazing group of friends that these guys had.

Each Friday night I would stay with her at her Dad’s house, a 25 minute drive from home, we would be at parties, attempting to be let into pubs, we thought we were so much older than what we were.

We were by each other’s side each time one of us fought with our boyfriends, we covered for each other and above all, we never tired of each other’s company.

Six and a half months later my boyfriend and I ended things, it was tough at first but I continued to work for his parents therefore I saw him almost every day. His Dad had been diagnosed with cancer, he needed to be there for him and his Mum. I respected that.

With my girlfriend still seeing his friend therefore still spending each weekend with his group of friends and not with me, cracks started to show.

I resented the fact that she was choosing them over me, that she was still having fun with them and I felt too uncomfortable to be around them as often as she was.

We remained friends but I knew it wasn’t the same. I left school at the end of year 11 forcing our friendship to strain that little bit more, no longer were we with each other every single day.

I remember her 18^th birthday, she was now dating a new guy and we all went clubbing together, I was still 17, I had just got my licence so I offered to drive, I always managed to get into places with my sisters ID. I remember dancing on a podium (yes, I rocked it out back in the day) and all I could notice was how close she seemed to everyone else there that night except for me.

Over the course of the next couple of years we drifted even further apart, and by drifted I mean the phone calls and catch ups completely came to a screeching halt.

I had a serious relationship, broke up with said serious boyfriend, went through hell with my sisters illness, moved out of home and met my now hubby all without her by my side.

In August of 2007 we were at the same 21^st. Not one word was spoken. She left. I sent her a text. Yep, still remembered her number off by heart, she replied.

I remember the feeling like I had just heard back from a guy that I really, really liked. There were butterflies.

We were going to be at another 21^st together in October, 2 months later. We emailed and chatted over the course of these 2 months and in October of 2007 our friendship began again.

Over the last 4 years, we have supported each other through home building, home renovating, a wedding, a baby, sister drama’s, job changes, and now an engagement.

Us at my wedding.

With our beautiful friends in Melbourne - girls weekend away.

Last weekend saw my gorgeous girlfriend in her happiest moment. She was celebrating her engagement to her boyfriend of 7 years. I was so happy to be there for her, she looked incredible and I can’t wait to see what the next 4 years brings for us.

Xx Love you!

Happiness is Outdoors

After spending today confined to the indoors as I have come down with a shocking cold *cough cough* we decided to venture out into the garden before Sophie’s bath.

Sophie adores being outside, she lies on her blanket and oohs and aahs the time away.

I got a little snap happy so thought I would share …

Keeping It Real

In light of recent posts by Cherie at A Baby Called Max & Sonia at Life, Love & Hiccups, I have decided to write a ‘keeping it real’ post.

I have always been the girly girl in my family, growing up with two sisters; no one could quite believe how different I was to them. I would wear my Sunday best to play dates, I had a Barbie collection most girls would die for and I was an Irish Dancer, no Saturday netball for me.

As I got older, the girly traits didn’t disappear. I would leave the house only with foundation, blush and powder applied, hair in perfect position, clothes on that were picked out the night before and a visit to the mirror oh … about 10 times.

As I got bigger and bigger with my pregnancy the strings on looking good were loosened. I have always been a PJ girl whilst at home, but wearing singlets that resembled a crop top and shorts that I couldn’t see the hems of over my belly became my every day outfit.  

Make up – what’s that again?!

Contacts – who needs them?!

I would throw on a bit of powder to try and cover my hormone induced acne skin, a bra and a loose bun would form on the top of my head if I were to leave the house.

Oh don’t worry there would be clothes on top of said bra … don’t want you all forming terrible mental images of my pregnant body picking up groceries in just one item of underwear!

As I am an addict to online shopping, the knock on the door at 7am by the delivery man was a regular occurrence … I’m sure each morning as he perused over his deliveries for the day and sighted Mrs Jayne Jagger on the delivery docket, shivers would be sent down his spine. Not a pleasant sight to start his work day.

Now that Little Miss has entered the world … I have begun to take a lot more care in my appearance again, make-up is applied once she has had her morning bottle and is put down for her morning nap, the house sparkles each and every day and the delivery man … well let’s just say I am sure he is giddy with excitement now when he spots my name on his delivery sheet.

Do any of you want to throw up about now?? 

This is DEFINITELY NOT the case …

I walk around the house with a singlet and undies on, pants are optional, contacts are never put in unless I leave the house, and this is only because I mysteriously misplaced my favourite glasses and am left with an old pair that sit wonky across my nose, a small amount of powder is applied if I go out for the day only to try and hide the terrible bags under my eyes that have worsened since night time wake ups became part of my routine and my hair, the messy bun has become a staple style to allow myself just a few more days without washing it.

This is me … right after I read Cherie’s fabulous post about her desire not to wear make up every day, I felt a need to take this photo, to show what real women look like first thing in the morning. My hair was tied up before going to bed, I have to now as it gets in the way when I get up to Sophie in the middle of the night, half has fallen out, I have the bushiest un-waxed eyebrows (hello 2:30 appt today), no make-up, hello red chin, no bra action going on and a stained singlet from my leaking boobs !!

There you have it folks … Miss Jayne in all her glory!!

Don’t worry … you don’t have to thank me!

Ten Questions

I was tagged by the gorgeous Peggy from Cake Crumbs & Beach Sand in a quest to find out that little bit more about fellow bloggers.

I am fortunate enough to know Peggy in the real world and she certainly is one of the lovely ladies that inspired me to make the start on Jagger Files.

There are ten questions which I will do my very best at answering …

Describe yourself in 7 words: passionate, cleaner (sad ... but true), stubborn, family-oriented, baker, loud, outdoor-lover

What keeps you up at night? A good TV show, I am a sucker for the television or dreaming of what our next family home will look like.

Who would you like to be? My Mum & Dad combined .. an amazing parent.

What are you wearing right now? PJ shorts & a singlet … it’s 11:50am and I plan on being like this ALL day. Sophie and I haven’t had an entire day at home for too long. I can’t wait.

What scares you? Losing my parents … I adore both of them individually and as a team, I speak to them both daily and cannot imagine my life or Sophie’s without them.

Ooh and continuing on from Peggy’s answer … flying cockroaches, I had a terrible experience when I was 15 with about 10 of them .. eekkk you can also add spiders, snakes and most creepy crawlies to that list.

What are the best and worst things about blogging?

Best: I have loved getting to know the other amazing Mummies throughout Oz. Their trials and tribulations are inspiring me as a new Mum. I love jotting down my feelings and thoughts, I have always been a diary writer and I find expressing my feelings in other areas other than my own head help me with moving past a difficult stage in my life or reminding me of an amazing memory I don’t want to let go of.

Worst: The pressure to constantly blog. I get guilty if I haven’t done an entry in a while.

What was the last website you visited? Stayz.com … tried to find accommodation down south for Easter for our group of friends but unfortunately failed.
What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? To not put as much pressure on myself when I don’t always get everything finished. I am a big to-do list kind-gal and I always have a heap of things I would like to achieve by days end. If I don’t finish all of them I should be happy that I ticked at least one thing off that list.

Slankets – yes or no? OK so I had to google what a slanket was and its a definite NO!

Tell us something about the person who tagged you? Peggy has an amazing soul, always finding the positives within both people & situations. She thrives on positive energy, loves to create special meals and treats for her little family and she adores and holds onto the time she has with her hubby and gorgeous son. Traits that any person would admire from afar.

Now for the fun part to continue, I am tagging the following five fabulous bloggers so we can learn ten things about them too.

Megsnzac – My IRL friend, she is an amazing woman, extremely strong and beautiful mother to little Zac and I admire her for what she has gone through and how she copes in all situations.

Our Little Sins - Kate has been cheering me on for the past 9 weeks and I always value her comments and opinions on motherhood.

Life, Love & Hiccups – Sonia … Has 3 beautiful boys, provides laughs all day with her photo uploads to FB and a fabulous read on her blog.

Greenteantoast – I am a new follower of Anna’s and I would love to know more about her. She is a Mumma to two adorable kiddies .. Oliver & Lila.

The Beetle Shack – Emily has gorgeous hair, a gorgeous new ‘look’ for her blog and an ‘About Me’ to die for. You will fall in love.

Will my boobs ever be the same again ?

Yes you read correctly ... this post is all about boobs!!

A painful and embarrassing week ahead!

Since making the decision to stop breastfeeding my emotions have gone up and down, I feel that I am finally at peace with it and have got myself into a nice routine with the cleaning of the bottles etc.

One thing I didn’t really put too much thought into … drying up my breast milk.

OUCH!!

I last fed Sophie breast milk on Saturday morning. I had only been doing 1-2 breastfeeds per day for about a week prior to this so I haven’t been producing as much anyway but now that I have completely stopped the engorgement has commenced.

One of them isn’t too bad however the other is rock hard and painful. I may have to pad the left side of my bra if I plan on going anywhere this week because there is a definite size difference going on.

They feel lumpy and they sting.

Normally after Sophie’s 4am feed I manage to fall asleep straight away, last night this didn’t happen. I love sleeping on my side and if I was on my right side my boob began to ache, then if I went onto my left my right would slightly hang and stinging shooting pain would happen.

I feel as though I have lost control and unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. Fingers crossed this only lasts a few days.

This all got me thinking ... do your boobs ever look the same again? Do your hips that have expanded to fit your babies head through your pelvis resume their normal shape? Does the dark line that appeared down your belly ever disappear?

Is anyone happy with their post childbirth bodies? Are you still trying to get it back to the way it looked prior? Are you happier, do you feel your new body empowers you as it is a constant reminder of the strength you had to bring a child into this world?

Me personally, I feel amazing. Lately I feel like I have this sudden surge of motivation, I feel healthy. I look in the mirror and yes there are parts of me that need some serious toning but I am OK with that. There is certainly a part of me that just wishes my hips would shrink a tad so that I can wear all my beautiful dresses and skirts once again but that will happen ... eventually!

It does happen ... doesn't it ?!?

Good Days ... Bad Days !

I have been really surprised at how ‘easy’ I have settled into motherhood, how simple the days have seemed, how well I have coped on only a few hours of sleep.

I often thought ‘this can’t be right; surely the bad days should outweigh the good days’. I felt bad saying how well she slept through the night to other new Mums, often hearing of their 1.5 hour re-settling after night time feeds.

I have now been on the receiving end of said bad night, there was no falling asleep straight after a feed, there was crying, there was rocking, there was then a top up feed. 2 hours later I crawled into bed.

It is amazing how our bodies react so differently during daylight. If I were to spend 2 hours rocking and settling during the day I would semi-cope with it, but during the night after crawling out of bed to attend to her cries and so desperately wanting to crawl right back in as she continues to wail is certainly not fun.

Sophie had her 8 week needles on Monday, unfortunately she has been really grumpy and unsettled since then. I am also feeding both bottle and breast as I have finally accepted that I don’t have enough milk. Admitting this and taking a step back from expressing, topping her up and attempting a breast feed at every feed was not easy.

I am now going through the motions of learning how many mls to give her in each bottle as she seems to always demand more … I seem to have the biggest fear of over feeding her. She fed at 5am & 8am on the boob this morning, I then gave her 120mls at 9:30 and she fell asleep for an hour to only wake up screaming as if she hadn’t eaten for hours. I thought surely she isn’t hungry so tried to settle for 40 mins, I helped her bring up more wind, I tried rocking, holding her upright, laying her across my arm and patted her back, put her in the Baby Bjorn and walked around the garden.

NOTHING HELPED!

Thank goodness Mummy dearest lives so close, she came over and helped and we gave in and gave her another 120mls at 11:30.

I have a very demanding food hungry baby!!

Exhaustion is certainly being felt more and more even though I don’t like to admit it. The day Sophie had her needles was a LONG day.

I surprised myself and didn’t shed any tears whilst she had a jab in each leg, after having her unsettled all morning prior to even entering the clinic didn’t allow for any energy to assist with crying.

She didn’t sleep all day and was certainly not content whilst awake. 5:30pm came and I begged Rob to take her for a little bit just so I could have 5 minutes to myself.

That night, I got into bed, laid there wide eyed and burst into tears.

Sometimes exhaustion just takes over !

New Friendships ...

New friendships are an amazing thing!

I started mothers group 3 weeks ago and almost instantly I formed new friendships. Especially with two of the women there.

Tania has a little girl named Sophie as well, she is 1.5 wks older than my Sophie and Karen has little Evie who is exactly 1 week older than Sophie.

We sat next to each other as strangers, strangers to each other and strangers to the new roles that we had taken on as Mums.

Over the past 3 weeks we have supported each other, agreed with each other over bad nights and laughed with each other as we stumble through the first weeks with our adorable little girls.

Tania had her bubs at SJOG Subi as well so I mentioned that there is an open-house program through the hospital for new Mums as well which I had gone to once before so we met there last week. I find this program so helpful and enjoyable, there were a few familiar faces from the previous one I had been to, even the non-familiar faces are so friendly, no one sits in silence. They have a group of older women who are volunteers who look after the babies while us Mums sit in the room next door with one of the midwives and we go around the room introducing ourselves, our bubs and any issues that we have had over the past week and along with both the midwife and the other Mums we discuss possible solutions.

We all say ‘I know I’m not the only one going through this’ but having other new Mums there agreeing with you and telling you what has worked best for them certainly helps.

I even bumped into one of the girls at the hospital at the beginning of the week when I went to my Lactation appt and we both stopped and had a chat.

I hope that these friendships continue past the forced mothers group sessions. The constant support is a beautiful thing.

From Bad to Good ...

After having a terrible start to the day (was up between 2 and 5 feeding and settling Sophie), the day progressed and it got better and better.

I went and got my hair done!! Aahhhh just even typing that, I feel amazing. I haven’t had my hair done in AGES … didn’t even get it touched up prior to my sister’s wedding because of the heavily pregnant state that I was in.

I am lucky enough that my MIL lives right near my hairdresser so I dropped Sophie off for her first official babysitting adventure and off I went. I love getting my hair done for the obvious reason but I get the added bonus of having a friend do it for me. I have known her since we were 12, my appts are filled with gossip and laughs.

I picked Sophie up who had been an angel for her Granny and headed home. I managed to get some cleaning done, after discovering the brilliance of the Baby Bjorn … hello sleeping baby and hello clean floors !

Once Rob finished work for the day we decided to take Dakota for a walk, we are fortunate enough to live super close to the beautiful Swan River, this evening we decided to go to a different section and there were doggies galore down there (not that my following photos show this), the walk was gorgeous and actually difficult, perhaps the last few kilos will come off sooner than I had thought (fingers and toes are crossed for this one).

How gorgeous was the sky tonight …

How was your day? Did you do something that you love? Have you gone to bed with a smile on your face?

Back to Day One !

I have decided that my new role is like attending school gaining an education without a teacher present and Sophie, she is my subject.

One day I think I have mastered it only to find the next day the formula’s I had solved yesterday don’t seem to be adding up today.

Sophie was 7 weeks old yesterday and for 7 weeks I have had trouble with my milk supply and Sophie’s day sleeps. I am a very stubborn person, I would have Rob and my Mum telling me that 2 hourly feeds weren’t right and that she should be sleeping more during the day, I would listen but I wouldn’t act. I was determined to find the solution on my own, I was determined to persist with breastfeeding and I was determined to think that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing.

The last couple of weeks on and off have become increasingly difficult … Sophie is not a screamer but the throwing up post feeds was increasing, not to mention the hiccups, coughing, sneezing, constant feeding and fussing on the boob.

When we had her 6 week check up with my child health nurse last week she had only gained 100gms in one week so she raised her concern and I finally realised that her day feeds were taking over my life. Feeding for over 40 mins and having a 70 minute break to then feed again was not fun. I met with a Lactation Consultant this morning where we discussed her routine and then I fed Sophie, we weighed her prior to the feed and again post feed to discover she only took 70mls from me. I then expressed and only got 6mls.

Clearly not enough milk!

Clearly not a proper feed – no wonder she isn’t sleeping!

So I am back to expressing after each feed and topping her up with expressed milk. This certainly isn’t the best option long term but hopefully it helps my milk supply. After two feeds it is already helping Soph. She slept for over an hour after the first top up feed and she is currently sleeping again and has been for the past 45 mins. I didn’t even have to rock her or go in and put the dummy back in.

Full feed = no settling required!

I know the expressing isn’t much fun but if it means she sleeps more and goes longer between feeds I will have more time to myself, more time to do things around the house and more time to do this … blogging !!

Motherhood … constantly discovering and learning new things each and every day.