Thursday, 16 February 2012

Good Days ... Bad Days !

I have been really surprised at how ‘easy’ I have settled into motherhood, how simple the days have seemed, how well I have coped on only a few hours of sleep.

I often thought ‘this can’t be right; surely the bad days should outweigh the good days’. I felt bad saying how well she slept through the night to other new Mums, often hearing of their 1.5 hour re-settling after night time feeds.

I have now been on the receiving end of said bad night, there was no falling asleep straight after a feed, there was crying, there was rocking, there was then a top up feed. 2 hours later I crawled into bed.

It is amazing how our bodies react so differently during daylight. If I were to spend 2 hours rocking and settling during the day I would semi-cope with it, but during the night after crawling out of bed to attend to her cries and so desperately wanting to crawl right back in as she continues to wail is certainly not fun.

Sophie had her 8 week needles on Monday, unfortunately she has been really grumpy and unsettled since then. I am also feeding both bottle and breast as I have finally accepted that I don’t have enough milk. Admitting this and taking a step back from expressing, topping her up and attempting a breast feed at every feed was not easy.

I am now going through the motions of learning how many mls to give her in each bottle as she seems to always demand more … I seem to have the biggest fear of over feeding her. She fed at 5am & 8am on the boob this morning, I then gave her 120mls at 9:30 and she fell asleep for an hour to only wake up screaming as if she hadn’t eaten for hours. I thought surely she isn’t hungry so tried to settle for 40 mins, I helped her bring up more wind, I tried rocking, holding her upright, laying her across my arm and patted her back, put her in the Baby Bjorn and walked around the garden.

NOTHING HELPED!

Thank goodness Mummy dearest lives so close, she came over and helped and we gave in and gave her another 120mls at 11:30.

I have a very demanding food hungry baby!!

Exhaustion is certainly being felt more and more even though I don’t like to admit it. The day Sophie had her needles was a LONG day.

I surprised myself and didn’t shed any tears whilst she had a jab in each leg, after having her unsettled all morning prior to even entering the clinic didn’t allow for any energy to assist with crying.

She didn’t sleep all day and was certainly not content whilst awake. 5:30pm came and I begged Rob to take her for a little bit just so I could have 5 minutes to myself.

That night, I got into bed, laid there wide eyed and burst into tears.

Sometimes exhaustion just takes over !

1 comment:

  1. Sweetheart ... !

    If I was there today, I would come over & vacuum & mop!

    Maybe she is going through a growth spurt. Max did at 8 weeks, & was ravenous seemingly 24/7. The spurts last 3 or so days.

    It's tough!

    When Dave bought Max's first tin of formula after I tried expressing for 12 weeks, I burst into tears too. But my gosh he was a different baby, it was like he was finally satisfied.

    In the future, I will always try to breastfeed, but if for whatever reason it doesn't work ... I won't be so nasty to myself about it :)

    She is beautiful, you are BEAUTIFUL! you are doing such a wonderful job!

    Enjoy xx

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